Zero Poker and Coke Zero

Haven't played any poker since I last blogged which was what two days ago? I had the mouse over my favorite online poker site at about midnight last night and decided I was too tired to log on and crush people, soul read, and write random non-sequiter in chat. I get punch drunk when I'm tired and I'm not above just rambling aimlessly until I get a response.

Recently my favorite introduction to inanity is the following:

"That was a bad beat, but I'll tell you about a bad beat, a bad beat called my life"
"Anybody want to hear?"
"I'll take that silence as enthusiastic confirmation..."
Then I'll just go on in mind-numbing fashion like...
"It all started a long time ago when I was born with an extra toe..."
"NH. You are probably wondering why not just lop it off? It's just an extra toe?"
"Well, my dad was shoe maker and he took it as challenge, so rather than let the oral surgeon that delivered me trim the extra digit, my dad decided to make me a special shoe"
"He made a cut out for my extra toe which oddly grew perpidicular to the rest of my foot."
"Thus my childhood was a awkward one of dribbling basketballs into by bare toe appendage, one of being stuffed into lockers and called Pepperoni Papa Johns Pizza Face, but that was because of my love of pizza and hand nothing to do with my acne or my toe, but I think when they called me Six Toe Freak it did."
"I know you are compelled by my narrative to feel sympathy for me"
"And that's kind of the point. NH."
"When you take my chips you don't steal from a ten-toed comrade you pilfer from a mutant, and I wish harm on your pet rabbits for doing so."

This kind of stuff continues unabated until my opponents hate me or love me. I question those that love me. Though I do advise to get your Mike Caro on in the comments box... Never, ever, ever make sense to make your opponents think you are an idiot and keeps you playing from playing Q9 suited in the face of multiple reraises.

Okay, enough of that tangent, let's get to Coke Zero. I'm not a soda fan, but I gave up my coffee frappocino vice for Lent and I'm struggling without the caffeine. I decide to get some no carbs, no calorie coke Zero, and I have to say I'm dissappointed. The first taste when it hits your lips is all coke, your body is on alert because delicious nonnutritious corn syrup is about to fill up your belly, and the first taste is just like Coke. Then, like a bad movie sequel it all goes wrong. The after taste is Diet Coke but arguably worse. You get this taste like you just ate some styrofoam penuts.

All drinking a Coke Zero makes me feel is somewhat more awake and mostly wanting... It's like 30 minutes after a Chinese meal when you feel like you haven't eaten, waving a car into a lane and not geting a thank you wave (I hate you douschbags), or expecting to eat the last Oreo in the bag and finding out somebody beat you to it. Zero fulfillment.

So I got a bunch of Coke Zeros if anybody would like their own disappointing refreshment let me know.


Anonymous said…
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Tiltin Texan said…
i like the zeros. send them my way

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