Sleep With the Fishes, Dine on the Whales

What’s a Timelion? A Big cat with a clock? Yes it's a tall Flava Flav. I watched that dreck of a TV show Flavor of Love and discovered Flavor gets upset when his name is misspelled “F-l-a-v-a” because it’s Flavor. I find that more than odd. Anyway, a timelion is also kind of like a misspelling or a homophone of sorts. But only if I said “misspelling” and you thought of a skinny 90210 veteran with twin airbags stapled onto her chest under a face only daddy, Secretariat or a gold digger could love. And a timelion is like a homophone, if you hear homophone and think a bejeweled, bedazzled, pink, feathered phone whose ring tone is set to “Fabulous.” Scan down for the real answer it's in volume one. Anyway, we left our tale with SuperBill’s trying to serve his tournament penalty for his 504th f bomb by doing a lap around the table instead of sitting out a lap of hands. Once he was corrected, what’s a SuperBill to do to kill time? The husband and wife “team” at the limit table are go...

A timelion, for those that don't know, is a large cat trained by shaman to meow or roar, depending on your proximity, on the hour every hour. These cats when released into the wild or when escaping after killing their keepers usually starved as mid-stalk they'd announce it was four o'clock. Or not. Scroll down for the real definition. It's 5 am or so on a friday in Las Vegas. I'm now steamrolling my two opponents in a limit hold 'em game. I tell them they are going to make me rich. After the casino's cut and the tips we fire out there may be $60 on the table for me to win. 5:07 SB (which stands for SuperBill a persona rarely seen in 6 years but accompaning me on my bachelor party) to his two tablemates on a 2-4 limit game: You thought your husband and wife hustle was going to work on me. But see, I figured you out. Like a first base coach I stole your signs. Man: Doesn't a first base coach give... SB: That's why I'm up $12. Pay the L...

Timelion is a timeline. Just think of it as typo if you don't know what it is. Or scroll down to volume i for more info. By the way want to give a shout to Bake who is recovering from surgery right now. Get well, Bake. Early am at Caesers, let's call it 4 am: SuperBill arrives to near empty poker room. There is a 2-4 limit game going on with two players and a dealer. There is a jammed packed 1-2 game. SuperBill gets in the cue for the 1-2 game. Two or three seconds have passed, so he's bored. The nice man and woman at the 2-4 game hope SuperBill doesn't see them. They look like the kids in class that didn't do the reading and are praying the teacher doesn't call on them. Seeing this, SuperBill of course gets a rack of whites and sit down at the 2-4 game. Yes, it's 3 handed. Yes, there is probably only $80 on the table. And yes, SuperBill is going to steamroll this action. 4:01 am: One of SuperBill's powers is a sense of knowing when someone doesn't ...

Already two Timelions about the bachelor party Vegas and I'm only now arriving in Vegas in volume 3? Nobody said brevity was my strong suit. In law school when my friend applied to be a member of some important studious group (Law Review, maybe), they had an essay for a question It was brutally worded and a mess of commas, subthoughts, paratheses, and overall a convoluted miasma that was probably written by five or six future defenders of lead toys. For a parallel in ineptitude continue reading my posts. At the heart of this half page question, it was basically asking what skills or attributes he'd bring to the table. His answer of course was one word: "brevity." Probably not wholly original, but it was especially applicable and I believe he got the gig. I was in the somewhat less pretigious DVD Review. Anyway, you'll see no such well chosen concise words of genuis here. Why? Because part of my voice in retelling these anectdotes is SuperBill, and Super...

Timelion is a timeline. See volume 1 below for an explanation. Feel free to drag a pot and say "Pay THE LION, Pay him handsomely" and I will think you are cool, it's the new "Ship it to the Colonel." THURSDAY Thursday 1 am. I dream the fanciful dreams of anyone going to Vegas, winning cars Nick Papageorgio style, going heads up and dragging huge pots from an deep pocketed-Cowboy fish who bathes in his crude oil, channel TJ Cloutier's wet-dream and getting a 20 consective hour craps roll and needing an IV to stay on my feet and a cart for all my chips, and getting the high-rollas suite. At the end of my dream a drunken Wayne Newton gets eaten by Siegfield and his lion (PAY HIM WAYNE!). I awake to see one of my dogs licking her crotch feverishly. Ewww, does she do that every time she thinks I'm sleeping? I'm kind of grossed out. Thursday 7:30 am. I get a text message from the Brothers Johnson saying they arrived at 4 am in Vegas. A mere six hours after...

Timelion? It's actually a timeline, it's called a Timelion in honor of my friend "Bake" who on our first trip to Vegas in 2000 (V2K as it was dubbed) heard the craps dealers say "pay the line" at the MGM. He thought they were saying Pay the Lion. Maybe because of MGM's lions we don't really know. For two or three months when something good would happen he'd say "Pay the Lion" and none of us made the connection to Vegas. When finally asked, Bake explained that's what they said at the Craps table. Now, anytime the word line is in play, lion is often substituted. Kind of stupid but kind of funny that months went by with him aimlessly saying Pay the Lion and we just thought it was some Wrestling slogan or something. Anyway, Timelines are Timelions, You can also... Read Between the Lions... and That's the Bottom Lion. So when I did the write up of that inaugral Vegas trip I did it in a series of Timelions. I'm dusting off that ...