I want to be a naked mole rat...

No, I didn't mistype that and misexpress my true desire to be a naked mall rat. I do want to be like a naked mole rat. Though a naked mall rat would be an interesting French TV hidden camera practical joke. Walking around the mall au naturale and asking clerks if you can try on things. It'd be good on a couple of levels 1. You clearly can't buy anything, which is probably a step in the logic they'd miss distracted by your nudity... because you got no pockets for a wallet and 2. Nobody wants to buy an article of clothing after somebody else has ridden commando in them. Would they show you to the dressing room? I'd hope not.

Similar to what I always think would be another good bit, when I walk into any store that has the sign, No Shirt, No Shoes, No service. Walk in pantless with a shirt and shoes. Don't they have to serve you? Obviously in our country, and most countries, obscenity laws would prevent this from happening but there has to be somewhere the laws are lax enough to try this out. Is that why everybody goes to Thailand to go pantless in a Quickie Mart?

Back to my desire to be a naked mole rat. They don't feel burning pain. If they were poker players they probably wouldn't tilt, or write blogs to thinly disguise bad beat stories (as every poker blogger myself included does warning there is probably one in this post), they'd simply move on to the next hand. Problem is I'd have to look like this:

I think I've seen guys at the table that look a lot like this. Usually under an Ed Hardy hat with some ear buds popping out. You know those internet kids that going to a live poker tournament and sitting next to a girl dealer is the closest experience they'll have to going to prom. Unless Magic the Gathering... gatherings have some sort of dance festivities? Or do they have to wait for the Renaissance festivals for that? Just kidding, I love the internet kids. Well, I love the ones that get out and see the light of day every once and a while.

Anywhoo, it would be a great life skill to have... being tiltless. Supposedly Chip Reese was tilt free. Supposedly. I question that. I don't think anybody, no matter who they are, save some sort of emotionless autistic savant superstar (and they day is coming when one of those kids comes and rules poker or competitive chess--mark my words) is truly unburdened by tilt.

Myself and the Honest Player discussed this last night. He says he doesn't tilt. I'd contend he doesn't tilt... much. I don't think I tilt much. A bad beat happens but you move on to the next hand. A stupid player gets lucky and you move onto the next hand. I'm not claiming to be bereft of emotion hell poker has made me cry--well poker and about twenty Blue Moons--but it's away from the table. To say I've never tilted would be dishonest to myself.

Still, I don't think even Chip Reese could escape somewhat altering his game when emotions infringe on rationality. There is positive tilt, where you are running good and overextend yourself, there is negative tilt where you might tighten up too much after losing a big pot, or card dead tilt where two 4s look like two aces, and the most common form of negative tilt (and tilt in general) where you loosen up and try and win your chips or money back in quick fashion.

I think the Honest Player is being honest, he doesn't tilt (rather he doesn't think he tilts), but even of a minute level it's hard not to make the most rational or perfect decision when your face has filled up with blood and inside you want to lay the smack down like Wilfred Brimley discplining some kids. To me that's kind of like saying "I've never broken the law," but somewhere, sometime, accidentially you've probably gone over the speed limit when you've missed a Slow Kids Playing sign as you were looking for your Nelson CD on the floor of your Suzuki Sidekick or maybe it was that time you slept with your cousin in a less permissive state (okay maybe that's just me... note, to self edit that last incriminating sentence out).

I just find it hard to believe when you are on card-dead alert and suddenly A9 suited under the gun is like two electric patches to your chest and look like the nuts. Even if you play that hand correctly 90% of the time aren't you less likely to when card-dead tilt? On a recent episode of high stakes poker Daniel Negreanu tilted and even Gabe Kaplan called him out.

I lose a hand that is a potential equity swing of a 70k--as I have deep in a live tournaments going up against the other big stack who thought it was a good time to let it ride with KJ o/s and he of course got there--how do I not tilt? (told you to beware the bad beat story) How can you play the next hand your very best when you are cruising to a final table, about to become a mamonth chip leader and suddenly you are staring at a min-cash?

Besides it being a real-life version of the secret to True-False test taking: "Always, Never, 100%" in a question is usually false. "NEVER" tilting is either impossible OR never being in a situation where you would tilt.

Anyway, if we could just figure out how to endure tilt inducing episodes like a naked mole rat is impervious to acidic pain we'd all be better poker players. Maybe it's the Ed Hardy hats. Or the lacquer on the Magic cards.

By the way, laying some bets on March Madness tonight? I like Kansas winning outright. They are getting points so go to sports betting to go opposite. I'm usually only 50% right in these things :).



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