I played a $340 at the Beau, though I don't know if you can call what I did playing. To be concise I folded 8 or 9 times, disparaged an opponent for going out so early with AJ on a J high flop to a guy betting his hand like he held... a set (which he held), and I played exactly one hand.

To give you an idea how brief my visit to the tournament was, I signed up late, but I was gone before everybody had finished buying-in. What a waste.

The hand that was my death knell I made probably three mistakes on it, maybe more... Before I enumerated my donkness, let's describe the action. I'm on the BB. Mid position limps, the cut-off, the button, and the small blind limp. I look down at 97 suited. All I've done is fold.

Mistake number 1: Check.

No harm in putting a raise there, taking down the limpers, or thinning the field.

Flop comes jack high with an 8 and maybe a four, and two of my suit.

SB has been very active and he pops it with a little less than a pot sized bet. I got flush and straight draws. I call.

Nobody else does.

Turn is an A of my suit and I have a flush. SB knows it and I know it. I see his obvious disappointment, which I chose to ignore one street later. He checks.

I bet out the same amount as he did. Mistake number 2. Most times in this situation, I should be betting for value, and if I know he has a big hand try to get paid. I bet too little. If I were results oriented I would have been happy not pumping chips into the pot the way it turned out, but the optimal play is to exploit my edge.

River pairs the board. It's an 8.

His demeanor shifts and he throws in 1k. A value bet of sorts. Or one itching for a raise.

I stew, letting all sorts of things cloud my judgment. Mistake number 3. The obvious play is old man it and call. He already projected big time disappointment when the third heart hit. Then he sprung up like a cialis induced woody when the 8 hit. Call and move on with a short stack.

Here's what started to run through my head. My strategy of late in these tournaments is to take some risks and chip up early. I'll play big pocket pairs strangely to induce action and if I get bounced with them, I'm not going to bitch, I know the consequences but I think the risk is worth the reward. So, I let that thought enter my head. Need to accumulate chips. Ignore all the information before you that you are probably beat, be greedy. Most importantly I fail to recognize this isn't one of those situations.

The next bit of information, is the guy had probably dragged 7 out of 10 pots, most little, by coming over the top or betting the river into the raiser. Everybody's folded to him. Possible he's had a hand every time. Or he's playing wide open. Which kind of mandates a call, and despite my gut feeling I'm beat, eliminates a fold in that situation.

Or I could misuse that information and hope he's on a bluff. Mistake number 4.

Course, I decide to put another 1.5k on top. Leaving me with around 1.7. What mistake are we on? 5? This one's so bad let's call it mistake 5, 6 and 7. First off, it's a mistake to raise, because it's literally a situation where only a better hand can call. AND THERE ARE A TON OF BETTER HANDS. I might be able to induce a better flush to fold but there are only a few better flush hands. Also, this guy wasn't on a flush draw, even mired in my idiocracy I could sniff that.

Second off, if I insist on being a donkey at least be a burro with half a brain and min-raise. Perhaps I can scare all but the nuts into thinking I have the conkers. If he pounds me, I'd still have another 500 left, the $500 on top of the 1k is meaningless.

The guy goes into speech mode. Okay... my hairy donkey ears pop up like he's just put a carrot on a stick in front of me. The real poker player in me is like ABORT, GET OUT OF HAND, DANGER WILD BILL ROBINSON, DANGER, DANGER.

So, he stews and says, "I wish I had played with you before..." okay that's authentic. Unless, he's multi-leveling I now know he's got a big hand but not the nuts. He contemplates calling. He asks me how much I got. I show him my meager remains.

Remember he's dragged a lot of pots and has a fair amount of chips. He does the ultimate sign of strength, shrugs and then shoves. He's made a decision and thinks he has the best hand. Perhaps, the way I showed my chips. He wants a call.

I eat a bale of hay, whisk away some flies from my backside with my tail and whinny. Do donkeys whinny? Well, I whinny-ed. Alright, I eee-ore-d.

I look at him and replay the hand. Limp from the small blind. Bet out on the flop. Disapointed on the turn, now super strong on the river. I say it aloud without even thinking... J8.

Of course it's fricking J8.

My opponent hearing me say Jack8 steps up and stares at the board. The inner poker player in me who apparently hadn't got out of bed yet, laughs what is this amateur hour at the Chuckles Laugh Factory. He's intently focused on the board. Okay, gotcha. I called out your hand you are in acting mode. Now let's fold and move on.

Yes... it's jack8 fold.

The poker player inside of me feels like he's yelling at the top of his lungs... FFFFOOOLLLLDDDDD, must be from the bottom of well "f... o... l... d..." because the donkey inside of me is thinking about oats and not listening.



Obvious fold here. Hello?




The donkey is staring at the carrot/the pot.

Then looks at the paltry pile of steaming donkey poo that is my disassembled chip stack.


Despite knowing that I'm beat, despite coming back to cash in tournaments with even less chips multiple times I throw them in there. All the information is on one side of the ledger and my action is on the other.

My opponent turns over J8.

I muck.


The four o'clock is an a omaha tournament. I think about being dead money in that. I've played some omaha online and to be results oriented, I have no results. I've played some in a casino and have no results there either. Consider going back to the room to play online omaha poker to brush up on my non skills. But didn't. Kept the omaha donkey in the stable.


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