Smell like a poker player and look like one too?

So, I'm evacuated. I'm looking up a book for my book of the month feature on Amazon and I input poker. I had no idea just how bad this game has jumped the shark. Some of my favorites follow.



Hmmm. What's in this? Stale cigarette smoke, the thin reedy reek of alcohol, a heady mixture of B.O. and unbrushed teeth, with just a smidge of cheap casino cleaning scent? Sounds delisch.

Don't fall over yourself buying this. You too can smell like a guy who hasn't left his seat in 30 hours--any time of the day. One spray of this and your nose will be flooded with the gentle, romantic odor of unwashed feet.

Of course this probably taste better than Johnny Chan's All-in poker drink.



You have to see this watch to believe it. With two important messages for the discerning poker player. "Go All-in" across the top and "Stay off Tilt" on the bottom. Product endorsement by Phil Helmet, "You know, if not for this $439.00 watch (yes, you could buy 8 Swatches for that), I might have got steamed when that dude hit his one outer on me, giving him a straight flush to my ace high flush, BUT I read the Stay Off Tilt emblazoned on it, emblazoned stylishly I might add, and I maintained."

It's also got a removable "bezel" to use as a card protector. One other feature, after you go broke you might be able to add it to the pot to match a $5 bet by your opponent. It's got diamonds, hearts, clubs, and spades on the outside so you know it's a poker watch.



"The Silver Wire Mesh Poker Bracelet is elegant enough for the sophisticated poker player, but flashy enough to be the envy of the poker table.Shining in the light like platinum, and accented by 95 genuine Swarovski crystals. The Silver Wire Mesh Poker Bracelet is perfect as a prize for your home game!"

Yes, the mesh wire... IS elegant enough for a sophisticated poker player. I can just see the guys at the Wynn rocking this (pair it with the poker watch and you'll have a wrist to die for). It would be the envy of the poker table unless of course you are with a player that has won a real bracelet or seen one. It shines in the light like platinum or... aluminum. Oooh, shiny.

This would make a great prize for your home game. You win this and next week you flash your bling around your and opponents will have their hearts in their throats. Even better get it engraved and wear to a real tournament. "What did you win that for?" "Oh, this little thing. This shiny bracelet, this shiny winner's bracelet, on my wrist. Don't be intimidated. It's nothing I won the WSABB." "What's that?" "It's the World Series at Binky O'Briens. We played heads up. I won the Series, best three out of five, second Sundays of every month."



"You can bet the bank that they'll absolutely love this Poker sneaker from GEOX. Its patented breathing technology will keep their busy feet refreshed and going strong, while the dual hook and loop straps will secure the best possible fit, and the padded collar and tongue will deliver even more comfort to this already perfect sneaker."

Yes, bet the bank on a pink poker sneaker. But who are we kidding that's not a big girl poker shoe... This is a big girl poker shoe...



Combining two great things, stripper apparallel (which is always fashionable on any night but Halloween) and poker. Okay, maybe this one is genuis!

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