So much to say...

Alright, I'm back. I'm now half the man I used to be... or now everything I own is only half of what it used to be... no, no, no, I now have a better half. Yeah, that's the line. I'm married and returned from the honeymoon.

Had some ups and downs in the poker room in the lead in to the marriage with my friends in town. More ups than downs so that was good. Gene D tells me he was on a heater before his wedding too, so if I get to play tonight we'll find out if that marriage karma is over or not.

Some quick thoughts...

Spent the h-moon in Disney World. They had the Wine and Food Festival at Epcot. I encourage anybody who likes to eat (isn't that everybody, it's like saying I like to sleep, breathe and circulate blood through my body, or when really full I also like to relieve myself or kind of like 20 year olds on myspace saying they like to party--no kidding) and has to go to Disney World to time it around this event. We got plenty of Photopass pictures, if you email me I can get you the link, even better I can save you some time and just tell you what they look like, me and my lady arm in arm in front of various Disney constructs. There's the big Golf Ball, a big hat, a Castle, some fake countries and more. Sometimes we kiss, sometimes we don't. I think there are probably only 5 to 10 people that will enjoy those pictures and they either share my last name or my brides former last name.

Okay... some things that really stuck in my craw, so to speak...

1. Drunk idiots at Disney World. Just because they are serving wine and beer doesn't mean you need to get sloppy. It's still a children's park, so when you are mawling your girlfriend like you are in a corner of a frat party and Chip N' Dale are doing a meet and greet two feet from you, you might want to rethink your judgment.

2. Profane T-Shirts. Wow, I get married and I'm instantly become an old man. I'm railing against drunks and profanity what's next people going 22 in a 20 mph speed zone. No. When I see shirts that say Bitches' Birthday barely covering a bulging chest over Daisey Duke hotpants and it's not a Joe Francis video it might just be a good site in the French Quarter. When I see it next to it's a Small World ride, you gotta wonder what those girls woke up thinking. "We'll really turn on some infants... or their 4o year old dads, today. Girlfriend... twin... sister... you look fine in your Bitches Birthday shirt, we are going to get some Donald Duck today." Place and a time for everything. Or the "My problem is obvious I got my head up a bass"--with a bizarre picture that is somewho half ass half fish.

3. Parents, some drunk, even worse some sober who use their baby carts as battering rams. Yeah, their kids are in them, and they like to aim for your calves or take out your knees like an Oakland Raider lineman. These people should be put on the Mission to Mars flight simulator for 20 successive rides, take off the video image and just let the spins sicken them to near death. I told one guy (not serious as I would never do this) that if he did that again, I'd use his baby as a stepping stone to get to the front of Soaring.

One time my lady and I were doing the train method to get through a crowd, a big group that astutely thought in front of the only doorway to the Land was the right spot to stop and plan out their day, when this dude shoves his stroller in between us breaking my grip on my lady's shoulder. On his heels but a couple of steps behind was his wife with another stroller and an even heavier kid than the fat one that ran over my toes. So I got behind the dude, with the intention of slipping by to catch up to my lady, sure enough the wife slams the stroller into my heels, with her Easter Island fat headed baby slamming headfirst into my the back of my knees and then says, "Hey buddy! Don't be cutting people off!"

I contemplate crop dusting the kid with the gaseous remains of the dinner I had at Mexico as I look incredulously at the woman. I remember it's the parents not the children that deserve the wrath and I save that juicy penalty for the next annoying family. The dad spins around, remember the guy that drove through me and my lady like we were the paper that high-school football players run through to start a game, and says, "Yeah, show some manners." SuperBill had some truly choice words for that pair, yet the withering pre-emptive glare from my wife reminded me Honeymoon Bill is Mild Bill, not Wild Bill nor SuperBill.

4. The guy in the 2004 PT Cruiser convertible in a parking lot of much nicer cars who insisted in parking in two spots every night to protect his "vintage" vehichle. What a dooschbag. Such doochebaggery demands action. Windsheild Wipers pointed skyward and maybe other methods of mischief were implemented. Course Honeymoon Bill had to get a soda late night to exit the room and to sneak out to the parking lot for SuperBill to get his revenge on.

5. People that stop in front of doorways, or even dumber the aholes who stop after they get off a moving escalator. There's 50 people behind you, moving toward you with nowhere to go, why would you pick your wedgie there?

6. The idiots that completely ignore the warnings to stay behind the yellow line. At Test Track the attendent tells a family, who spoke English quite well, I think they spoke a New Jersey dialect, that the automatic doors were about to open please stay behind the yellow line. The attendant turns her back and the family collectively laughs as their 5 year old girl steps back over the yellow line--she's pulling one over on Disney. Then the automatic doors fly open and just barely miss flattening the girl into a railing. These idiots who apparently can't anticipate two seconds ahead of time barely grabbed the girls hand to pull her out. And yes, they bitched at the attendent for the doors almost hitting their girl. Those fatties should have been made to don mascot costumes and walk the loop at Epcot for a day.

Waiting for the tram one night a lady and her daughter blithely ignored the same warnings. Despite the other 50 people being two steps behind the yellow lines. Sure enough when an attendent about 6'4 220 walked backwards into the fat pair as he was focused on the tram, they got mad at him. Then when he asked them to step back they glared like he was the idiot. 20 seconds later a different attendent walked into them and they got even angrier when he asked them to scoot back. F'ing morons.

Alright, that's enough bitching for today...


Popular posts from this blog

Million Dollar Heater, CryptoCurrency, Weight Loss Bets

Bullet Points and a Crazy Hand. What would you do?

Discovery Channel Poker Pilot in New Orleans