Skip to main content

Jonathan Vilma

Aware of Goodell's overeating issues Vilma is trying to protect
 the commissioner at his Miami restaurant.

Below is a letter made in response to this story on Deadspin about a planned ESPN attack piece on Johnathan Vilma.  I decided to drop the correspondent a note in defense of Jonathan.

Hi Barry,

Somebody alerted me to your interest in Jonathan Vilam's character.   I have a number of eyewitness stories that speaks to the quality of person he is:

-He successfully performed an emergency brain surgery on the sidewalk with a spork and a wrench. Before he could be thanked he then immediately fed a block of parking meters that were within an hour of expiring.  

-He trains quadruple amputee dogs how to wiggle to their food bowls and has coached them through their embarrassment of peeing without being able to lift a leg. 

-During Hurricane Isaac Vilma held a levee up with his bare hands and since then spends the early morning hours shoring up the mistakes of the Army Corps of engineers.  

-Vilma declined an organ donor card saying "Why wait til I die to help somebody," and pulled out his own liver with just his trusty aforementioned spork to feed it to a homeless man.  

-Vilma once gave the Heimlich to a choking alligator.  

-Vilma once stopped a bank robbery and paid everybody's overdraft fees.  

-When Vilma goes out to dinner he serves the waitstaff and cooks the food for the chefs.

-During Mardi Gras, Vilma gives the horseback police officers a night off and polices the streets by himself.

-Vilma swallowed half the oil from the BP spill to keep our beaches safe.

-He paints the entire superdome during the bye week.

-Vilma still plans on sending Roger Goodell a Christmas card.

I hope you find these anecdotes helpful, in your character assassination piece.

Kindest regards,

Bill Phillips


Popular posts from this blog

WSOP Academy Review

Students crushing it.

Discovery Channel Poker Pilot in New Orleans