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Jonathan Vilma

Aware of Goodell's overeating issues Vilma is trying to protect
 the commissioner at his Miami restaurant.

Below is a letter made in response to this story on Deadspin about a planned ESPN attack piece on Johnathan Vilma.  I decided to drop the correspondent a note in defense of Jonathan.

Hi Barry,

Somebody alerted me to your interest in Jonathan Vilam's character.   I have a number of eyewitness stories that speaks to the quality of person he is:

-He successfully performed an emergency brain surgery on the sidewalk with a spork and a wrench. Before he could be thanked he then immediately fed a block of parking meters that were within an hour of expiring.  

-He trains quadruple amputee dogs how to wiggle to their food bowls and has coached them through their embarrassment of peeing without being able to lift a leg. 

-During Hurricane Isaac Vilma held a levee up with his bare hands and since then spends the early morning hours shoring up the mistakes of the Army Corps of engineers.  

-Vilma declined an organ donor card saying "Why wait til I die to help somebody," and pulled out his own liver with just his trusty aforementioned spork to feed it to a homeless man.  

-Vilma once gave the Heimlich to a choking alligator.  

-Vilma once stopped a bank robbery and paid everybody's overdraft fees.  

-When Vilma goes out to dinner he serves the waitstaff and cooks the food for the chefs.

-During Mardi Gras, Vilma gives the horseback police officers a night off and polices the streets by himself.

-Vilma swallowed half the oil from the BP spill to keep our beaches safe.

-He paints the entire superdome during the bye week.

-Vilma still plans on sending Roger Goodell a Christmas card.

I hope you find these anecdotes helpful, in your character assassination piece.

Kindest regards,

Bill Phillips

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